Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
