So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
