Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
