Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
