Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
