We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
