Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Two words: blizzard sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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