Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
