I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
