i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
