When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
