im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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