He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The air taste purple.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
