I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
