About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
