Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
