I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
