Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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