Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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