I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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