I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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