You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
