I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
