Someone shit on the floor
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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