is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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