you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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