all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Small penises have feelings too.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
