yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
