I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
