I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
