I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
