I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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