my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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