I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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