Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
