how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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