I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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