He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
