Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
