420 ftw
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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