I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
