Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
