new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
