I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
