I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
