Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
