i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
