im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
