Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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