forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
