Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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