nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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