I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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