im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
