I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I didn't shave. On purpose
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
